My husband and I conceived our first baby in early August 2014. We were so overjoyed, it was our first cycle trying and we didn't expect it to happen so soon. We immediately told family and friends and started planning for life with this new baby. Our first appointment was at 8 weeks, with a midwife at a local birth center. We saw a little baby with a strong heartbeat. I was hoping there would be two. :) At 9 weeks, I was back at the office for light spotting. Nothing serious, they just told me to rest and take it easy. About 3 weeks later, I started to feel a lot of pressure in my pelvis. It wasn't painful, just uncomfortable. I asked a lot of ladies and it seemed like just growing pains. In a couple of days the pain was more persistent, but still light. I called my midwife on a Tuesday afternoon, after I'd been having more consistent pain. They told me to take Tylenol and rest. An hour later, I had a GUSH of blood, so immediately went in to be seen. Baby looked great on the ultrasound and my cervix was tight and closed, so I was again told to go home and rest. The rest of the night, the pain got worse. I was in labor and didn't know it. :( The next day, I went for a more diagnostic ultrasound and that's when they saw my cervix was wide open. I was rushed to the er where the doctor told me all I could do was wait. We had been given some hope that we would get an emergency cerclage, but the bags were bulging and it was too late. We just cried. They said I could go home and wait for it to happen, or stay and be monitored. We decided to stay. I didn't know what to expect, so wanted to be with people who did. It took a while to get a room, but as soon as we got up there, I needed to go to the bathroom. I felt a small pop, and knew baby was about to come. I didn't want to believe it. But there he came, right in the toilet. I just stared at him and wanted to get him out, but my nurses rushed me to the bed. They started my iv with pain meds I think, because they also gave me meds to start more contractions to make sure everything came out. They pushed on my stomach a lot, and reached in to get left behind pieces of the placenta. It was such an ordeal and pretty fuzzy now. I just felt lost. After they finally left, dh and I just cried and held each other. We came into the hospital with a baby, but now he was gone.
The staff was so nice and caring, they let us hold him and take pictures and gave us a little memory box. They had a chaplain pray with us. They did everything they could to make me feel comfortable. One nurse in particular I will always remember.
When we left the hospital the next day, I was numb. In shock. Everything happened so fast. My baby was gone. At 13 weeks. We took him home and buried him.
In the coming weeks, I would go through a lot of ups and downs. I was hoping to get pregnant again right away, but the bleeding just wouldn't stop. Two weeks after the miscarriage, I hemorrhaged badly and ended up in the er. I thought I was actually going to die. They couldn't figure out why it happened, maybe leftover placenta. They sent me home once the bleeding stopped. I had small episodes like that on and off for the next month. I got infections. I felt like it would never end. I stayed in bed or on the couch just sleeping or watching sad movies.
I wanted to feel better but I just couldn't. But eventually, on January 1, 2015 I passed the last bit of...whatever was still in my uterus. It was shocking that after all that time and my hcg had been down to 0 that something like that could still come out. Anyway, 5 days later the bleeding stopped. FINALLY! I could start moving on.
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