My dear Ronen

This is a post I wrote on another blog a couple of months back:

8 months ago, my heart shattered into 1,000 pieces.
I never knew I could hurt so much and still go on living.
I never dreamed my pregnancy would end that way.
Ronen was our first. We prayed and planned for him. I conceived on our first cycle trying.
Those couple of months were so full of joy and excitement and thinking about who he would become.

Then it all came crashing down. 
There were warning signs, but I didn't know.
If I did, I'm still not sure there could have been anything done to stop it.
How could I see that precious little heart beating, and he was gone within a few hours?
Why couldn't my body keep him in?
He was absolutely perfect, completely healthy.
Why did this happen to us? 
There are plenty of women in this world who have children they don't even want...why was mine taken away?

I will never understand.
I will always love and miss my dear Ronen.
I only carries him with me for a few short weeks, but he touched my life so much.

I would never wish this experience on anyone, but there are things I've learned from it.
I've gained so much more perspective on what matters in life. I sympathize more with others who have been through difficult times. I'm more compassionate and understanding. I'm so grateful to have a hope in Christ , that one day I will be in a place where there isn't any pain or tears .

My dear Ronen,

I love you so much. I should be holding you in my arms right now. I should be with all our family and friend celebrating your birth. You were my firstborn son and I will not let your memory fade. I will carry you in my heart and talk about you as much as o can. I hope to give you lots of brothers and sisters and share with them just how special you were.

To all you mommies of angel babies,

It will get better. You won't "get over it" but you will get through it.

I was in a depression for about 3 months and didn't want to see anyone but my husband. I laid in bed or on the couch and cried. I watched sad movies and cried. I thought I'd never be happy again. I thought I'd never laugh or enjoy life again.

But I do. And you will too.